Inner Self Guidelines for Black Women

Live With Dignity, Honor, and Self-Respect

1. Above all, live with dignity, honor and self-respect. Living with dignity means that you act and speak in a way that is worthy of respect. In other words, you command respect by how you carry yourself. To have honor means that when people hear your name, they think good things about you because you have good character. When you respect yourself, you set high standards and do not compromise your morals.

2. The road to self-mastery requires that you consider yourself worthy enough to live with purpose and meaning. If you are worthy, then respect yourself enough to set high standards and do not compromise on what is right. Give your best and accept the best; speak and act with dignity and expect that those who want to be around you do the same; be honorable and develop friendship with those who are honorable too.

3. Those who do not respect themselves, fail to take proper care of themselves and permit others to mistreat them. In addition, they mistreat others by talking behind others’ backs, gossiping, bullying, or doing other harmful things.

4. No matter where you find yourself, carry yourself with dignity. While the behavior of many people is dictated by what is going on around them, hold yourself to a higher standard. Avoid parties or games where wasting time is the norm. If you find yourself at a public event, remain rooted in your own purpose and ideals.

5. Don't be afraid of verbal abuse or criticism. Only those who know that they are doing wrong (or not doing right) feel compelled to defend or explain themselves to others. Let the quality of your deeds speak on your behalf. You can't control the impressions others form about you, and when you spend time trying to do so, you only debase your character.

6. Your character and commitment are revealed through your actions, not what you say. Take seriously the practice of living righteously. Once you have determined the principles you wish to live by, do so fully. Don’t worry about what others think or do. Seek inspiration from those who emulate the principles you have adopted. Put your principles into practice—now. Stop the excuses and the procrastination. This is your life.

Pursue Your Greatest Good

1. Practice MAAT—justice, goodness, order, reciprocity, respect, and truthfulness—in all situations and you will begin to do good in all things. When you align your intentions and actions to the guiding principles of MAAT, you will feel strong, purposeful, and sure, rather than persecuted, helpless, confused, or resentful toward the circumstances of your life.

2. Prudently observe the best values of your family and your people. Carry out your responsibilities with a pure heart, without greed or extravagance. Attach yourself to what is just and right, regardless of what other people think or do. Hold to your true aspirations no matter what is going on around you.

3. Growth is stunted among people who do not work hard and give their best. They never learn how to overcome challenges, effectively identify and solve problems, and learn their strengths and weaknesses. By not working hard, a person never earns his/her way and becomes lazy and dependent on others. Dependency leads to being controlled by others.

Be, Being, Become

1. Define who exactly you want to be, what you intend to do and your life purpose. Maintain a journal and write down the characteristics you seek to have, as well as how you intend to fulfill your purpose in life. Assess yourself daily to see how close you are to being who you wish to be.

2. When necessary, revise your goals to reflect changes that will take place in your life. Do not think poorly of yourself if you make mistakes or if things do not happen in the way that you hope or expect. Take note of changes and explore why they occur—sometimes you may find that something you intended to do does not fit the circumstances you are in now. More significantly, you may realize that the path you thought you would take to fulfill your life purpose evolves as you evolve, changes as you change. Open yourself to this growth; you are who you are becoming.

Character Matters More Than Reputation

1. Character reflects who you are on the inside; reputation is tied to what others think about you. Reputation develops from character. It is more important to be honest, direct, just, and fair than to be concerned about how others perceive you.

2. Worrying about what other think of you wastes time and does not bring about change. On a deeper level, it means that you value the external over the internal—that someone else’s views and opinions are somehow more valuable than yours and therefore you will listen to them before you will listen to your own heart. Worse yet, you will do things to make others think highly of you, even if it means degrading, compromising, or simply not listening to yourself.

3. You are not responsible for what others think of you. Don’t carry that burden. Instead, live righteously, be just, keep your word, and listen to your heart.

Give Your Best

1. Give all you have to things that are just and good. Stay tough in good times and bad. Regardless of what is going on around you, make the best of what is in your power, and take the rest as it occurs.

Correct Yourself

1. Self mastery requires self-correction. It is important to be able to admit your mistakes, learn from them, and move forward with the intent to not make the same mistakes again. Seize every opportunity to learn from your mistakes, for doing so will make you stronger and better able to solve problems. The opposite of a problem is its solution.

2. When learning from and correcting mistakes, use the solution (opposite of problem) to prevent the same mistake from happening in the future. For example, if you feel the urge to talk negatively about one person to another, use self-restraint; that means ‘don’t do it.’ When you solve each problem (or urge) with its opposite, as time goes by, you get better at matching the appropriate solution (based on your inner resource) to any situation that arises. Later your behaviors become less conscious and more natural.

3. With every difficulty in life you are presented with an opportunity to turn inward and appeal to our own inner resources. When something happens, ask yourself what resources you have for dealing with it. You possess strengths you might not realize you have. Find the right one and use it. The challenges that come our way can and should introduce us to our strengths. Those who are wise seek the lessons from experiences and reality.

4. When you deal with people after having corrected yourself, then they too will either correct themselves (and how they interact with you) or move on. When you respond to things after having corrected yourself, they too become correct. They become correct because you will accept nothing less.

Transform Weakness to Strength

1. All weaknesses can be transformed into strengths. Be honest with yourself and take the time to know what your weaknesses are. Turn them into strengths by facing them each day and doing the opposite. For example, if your weakness is procrastination, you transform it into a strength by beginning tasks early and completing them on time. In time, your weakness will be transformed into a strength.

Discipline

1. Only through discipline can you truly be all that you wish to be. Discipline enables one to act. With it, you are able to carry out decisions free from fear, doubt, ambivalence, and laziness.

2. You are able to become more disciplined by practicing the guiding principles of self-mastery on a daily basis, engaging in the process of self-analysis and improvement, and giving your best each day. Discipline builds inner strength. The self-control that comes from such inner strength eventually becomes embedded in your personality.

3. If you seek to perfect yourself, you may be less tolerant of those who do nothing to discipline themselves and you will seek out companions primarily those who are more sympathetic to your way of life

4. Look within. Focus and search within because all answers are inside you.

Progress Is Struggle

1. Struggle is inevitable and necessary for growth. It is at the basis of all transformation and the driving force of everything in nature from the smallest unit to the largest system. No growth can happen without an internal struggle between two opposing tendencies or ideas.

2. Struggle is good in that it challenges us to get tougher, more decisive, and more adept at identifying and solving problems. Additionally, struggle helps to clarify values and beliefs, as well as discern the right and wrong of things.

3. Those who know what to do, yet do nothing—getting by safely and comfortably, deflecting and rejecting blame and responsibility—are selfish individualists who fear (or are opposed to) change. This promotes a lack of trust and accountability, cowardice, avoidance, and pretending.

4. Rather than run from hardship, face it directly and honestly. Contemplate the meaning of the struggle, its direction, and your opportunity to take charge of what you have control over. Doing so helps you to free yourself of illusions and become better at successfully overcoming challenges.

5. Always attempt perfection in everything and understand your shortcomings. Through internal struggle between what is right and what is wrong, who you are now and who you wish to be, you can transform your weaknesses into strengths, mistakes into lessons, and challenges into milestones.

Your Values Determine Your Behavior

1. What you value is easily seen through your actions. If honesty is important to you, then you will be honest; if justice is important to you, you will be just in your actions. If you value honesty, justice, reciprocity, keeping your word, hard work, giving your best, and treating people fairly, your actions will reflect these values. In other words, if you value honesty, you will be honest and expect those around you to do the same; if you value justice, your actions will be just and you will seek justice in cases of wrongdoing.

2. When your actions are consistent with your values, then you will have no regrets. When there are forces beyond your control, there is a chance that you may not decide the outcome of a situation, regardless of how much you do; there is no need to feel bad or mistreated because you will have followed your heart. What hurts or hinders is when you know that you did not do what your heart told you to.

3. Things will happen regardless of how we feel and what we think. Instead of taking it personal, pay attention, learn the lessons, and apply them to similar events in the future. Similarly, if anyone frustrates you, carefully appreciate the situation; don't let your emotions get the best of you. Step back, compose yourself, and take charge of yourself to help bring about the correct solution.

4. Plan and make provisions for situations to come by forming good habits. Actively pursue your greatest good each day and evaluate yourself to identify and correct the mistakes while learning valuable lessons.

Principles For Black Women

Honesty & Integrity

Issues

Men over Women

Sexual Abuse

Taking Charge of Your Life

Unity after Equality

Make Strong Your Will

1. Your will is that part of you that fights for things, that does not give up or back down, that pushes you to overcome challenges and finish things that you start. Nothing stops you or holds you back, for your will and determination win in the end. Your aim should be to devote your whole being toward the greatest good—what is just and right—and incorporate nature’s lessons.

2. Learn the will of nature through its laws; study it, pay attention to it, and then make it your own. The will of nature, embodied in the cycle of life, is present in all life, ideas, relations, etc. The cycle of birth, development, decay, and death is revealed to us through everyday experiences common to all people. Apply this understanding to all situations.

3. Define your purpose, let it reflect the greatest good, and give your all to its fulfillment. Sickness may challenge your body and poverty may challenge your spirit. But you are more than your body; you are more than the conditions into which you were born. You are more than the body that houses you. Be guided by your iron will and determination. Your time will come. Prepare.

4. Giving up when hardship or adversity arises leads to the inability to deal with difficult issues or work through problems. One who gives up cannot be trusted or relied upon to carry out tasks. She/He develops the habit of doing what is easy, which leads to moral compromise and stagnation.

Wisdom Depends on Vigilance

1. The pursuit of wisdom and self-mastery requires that you be vigilant in thought and deed. Vigilance requires that you listen to your heart, discern right from wrong, admit and learn from mistakes, do what you say you will do, and conduct yourself with dignity and integrity.

2. Don't resort to blaming and accusing others. You do not need to convince people you are worthy. If you experience challenges, look within; if you receive compliments from others, quietly smile to yourself unmoved; if you are slandered, stand firm, then move on. Go about your actions with energy and zest.

3. Face fears, stand tall, and avoid wasting time and feelings on things of no merit.

Seek Happiness Within

1. Your happiness depends on three things, all of which are within your power: your will, your attitude, and your deeds. Knowing what is good and right is one thing, but your will (determination) is what provides the fuel to carry it out, your attitude helps you to overcome challenges along the way, and your deeds lead to completion of the task. Happiness does not depend on outside forces; you create it.

2. Do good for good’s sake. Be the best that you can be. Set your own high standards and maintain them. The real essence of good is found only within things you control; do not aspire be anyone other than your own best self, for that falls within your control.

3. When you do not seek happiness within, you will inevitably seek it outside yourself. This creates openings that can be exploited by those who want something from you; they can take advantage of you by giving you temporarily what you seek. They can tell you things that make you feel good, that feed your ego, and that satisfy your search for happiness. They gain your trust, influence your response to situations, and ultimately shape your decisions. Placing your pursuit of happiness in someone else’s hands leads to low self-esteem, compromised morality, low standards in choosing friends and mates, and poor emotional and physical health.

4. As you take charge of your life, listening to your heart, willfully carrying out its instructions, knowing you are doing what is right, then happiness will come; happiness resulting from the knowledge that you do what your heart says is right.

Things Are What They Are

1. See things for what they are, not how or what you want them to be. Situations do not adjust themselves to meet our expectations; events happen as they do.

2. Things and people are not what we wish them to be or what they seem to be; they are what they are. The people whom you care about and the things on which you depend have their own character, apart from what you think of them. The acceptance of reality is the basis for honesty and effective action.

3. Not seeing things (or people) for what they are opens the door to living in a fantasy world, exaggerating, lying, and ultimately causing harm to yourself and others. In addition, this misrepresentation of reality leads to loneliness, poor quality relationships, as well as the inability to discern fact from fiction or admit to and learn from mistakes. Dishonesty creates confusion and makes trust a difficult—if not impossible—endeavor.

4. When things happen in your life that are out of your hands, seek understanding and meaning. Identify the strengths and challenges, the mistakes and lessons. Remain honest in your experiences and observations. When things appear confusing, quiet yourself, look at the facts, and listen to your heart.

Right Names

1. When we name things correctly, we understand them correctly, without adding information or judgments that aren't there. Call things as they are, rather than filtering them through your own or someone else’s views.

Think, Plan, Act

1. Before jumping into something, think first. Take a look at the big picture first and then plan the appropriate action based on what you have learned. Contemplate all the possibilities, be mindful of all the things that might happen and their consequences, and exercise your judgment. If the overall picture still seems beneficial, then do it; if not, then don’t.

2. If you act too quickly, without cautious consideration, you may enthusiastically begin a task, quickly lose momentum when unforeseen circumstances arise, and then regret that you did not finish what you started. Be honest with yourself from the very beginning. Identify what needs to be done, determine if you can do it with what you have in the appropriate timeframe, and do it. If your chosen action must change because the situation changes, then revise your action—this is ok as unexpected things happen. Clearly assess your strengths and weaknesses. If you have what it takes to get it done, then do it; if not, then don’t.

3. When you decide to do something, do it fully; don’t half do anything in life. Fully committing to something will help to develop your talents and reveal weaknesses in both yourself and the object of your commitment. A half-hearted effort has no power. Tentative efforts lead to tentative outcomes.

4. Take stock of life, weigh situations, measure conditions and risks. Even the most confusing or hurtful aspects of life can be made tolerable by seeing clearly one’s choices and acting on them with prudence. Take serious the things that require care.

5. If you are committed to moral living, you will have work to do on yourself. You will have to overcome unhealthy desires and habits, and reconsider whom you associate with. The life of wisdom, like anything else, demands its price. You may, in following it, be ridiculed and even end up with the worst of everything.

Silence Speaks Loud

1. Silence speaks volumes. Those who are not talking can listen. Listening opens the way for learning. Learning is knowledge. Knowledge is power. Without power everything is but an illusion.

2. One of the clearest marks of the moral life is right speech; there is moral power in words. Always think before you speak to make sure you are speaking with good purpose.

3. Enter into discussions when necessary, but be cautious that the intent and content remain worthy. You become what you give your attention to. Avoid conversations about other people; avoid blaming, praising, or comparing others. If it is difficult for you to not gossip, remove yourself from the temptation by leaving the discussion.

4. If need be, be mostly silent or speak sparingly. Frivolous talk is a waste of time.

Never Casually Discuss Important Matters

1. Take care not to casually discuss matters that are of great importance to you with people who are not important to you. You This is especially dangerous when you are in the early stages of an undertaking. Other people feast like vultures on your ideas. Let your ideas and plans incubate before you parade them in front of the naysayer and trivializers. You can become all that you believe if you are willing to work hard and smart.

Appreciate What You Have

1. Be thankful for what you have earned. Appreciate the life and time granted you by making the most of what you have. No need to cry over difficulties; one gains strength by overcoming adversity. Lifting weights make us strong after we have appreciated the energy necessary to lift it.

Live Each Moment Fully

1. Live fully in each moment; dare to look beyond the horizon. Dare to dream; live your dreams. You only have one life, one chance to give all that you have to this moment. Immerse yourself in great things, live for the ages.

2. Stop evading and respond to each person, each challenge, and each situation; participate in life, think freely and fully. You are not a lonely bystander.

3. Your will is immeasurable—use it. No great thing is created suddenly. There must be time. Give your best and always be kind.

WE HAVE HELPED YOU. NOW HELP US.

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